My name is EUK, I am known on the streets as Zibby. I am a recovering addict. I am an enrolled member of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe; I grew up on the Cheyenne River Reservation in Eagle Butte SD. In my childhood, we went to church regularly until my parents divorced in 2000 when I was 12.
My little brother and I, the two youngest of four, became unsupervised children. I started experimenting with alcohol and marijuana at the age of 13. I was in and out of jail at 15. I had my first child at 16. I graduated high school and worked.
At 18, I moved off the reservation with my abusive boyfriend and our child. We lived a few hours away from home and I continued my education. I started using pain medication, as well as alcohol to cover up the soreness I endured from the fighting. One day after six years I finally got fed up and left him. My two kids and I moved into our own place where I drank daily. I did not realize at this point how addicting popping pills was. I got married shortly after the breakup and had another child. After ending another abusive relationship and getting a divorce, my girls and I moved in with my mother and I had three jobs while attending college classes. It was during this time I discovered another way to ingest pain pills and I became hooked.
Six years or so later, I followed my mother to Missouri, married my first kiss and had a son. We were highly addicted to pain pills. I wanted to quit but the withdrawal process was too much for me. My whole family knew of my drinking addiction by this point, but they did not know about the pain pills. I tried to admit myself to a detox facility without anyone but my husband knowing.
That lasted a month or so before I was back on the pills. A few months later, we moved into my mom’s home. I wanted to quit using and my husband did not. He left in 2017.
Shortly after he left, so did I. My kids stayed with my mom as I was forced to leave my mother’s house because after he left, I was not only addicted to opioids but benzo’s as well. I wrecked my car, lost my license, was fired from my office manager position. Once I got fired, I just quit the pills and switched for methamphetamine. I was staying with a guy who was no better than me. He ended up calling the police on me because I would not share my drugs with him. By the time the police officers showed up, I was wasted to the point I have no recollection. That night, I was drinking I purposedly took over 8 ambiens in hopes of not waking up the next day.
That night I received my first felony. I did not cooperate with probation, got arrested a few more times, received another felony. I overdosed on heroin February 15th, 2019; I went home for a few days before I went back to the streets where I was attacked at a house I frequented. The guy I would see wanted to have sex and I did not. That event led me to leave the area. I was asked to go with a former male friend to Portland Oregon, we almost wrecked several times because he was high as a kite. He ended up leaving me in Lincoln Nebraska. I hitch hiked to Kansas City where I met up with a girl I met from county. So now I had someone just as bad as I was, we were both dependent on each other.
When I struggle today with triggers or just being overwhelmed with school, I remember these moments. These moments when I had no hope. None. I may have posted great pictures but everyone around me knew how miserable I was. I lived my life in a way that I did not care if I lived or died. I got in a semi with the first truck driver that offered me a ride. I hung around dangerous people who only cared for guns, drugs, and money. And if I had not gotten arrested
when I did, I know 100% that I would be dead. I was locked up for 7 months, 120 of those days were in a treatment facility in prison. Prison is where I surrendered my life over to God.
Forgive me if some parts do not make sense. I have shortened tremendously of what drug and alcohol addiction has done in my life. But now I get to talk about where I am today.
Today, I am 902 days (about 2 and a half years) sober. I faithfully attend First Assembly of God in Rolla MO. I actively serve on the worship team as well as coffee ministry. I do volunteer for food distribution. I attend at least one NA meeting a week. During this spring school semester, I have had to focus more on school, but I regularly attend 3 meetings a week.
Since I was released from prison in January 2020, I have my license back, worked, bought a car, have a home, and my children moved back in with me December 2021. And now I am a full time Geological Engineering student at Missouri University of Science and Technology. Every day I step foot on campus, I am so thankful to be where I am today. If you told me three years ago that I would be where I am today, completely drug and alcohol free, I would not believe it. I never thought I could ever be without any drug in my system. And it all could not have happened without the grace of God.
“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” 1Cor 15:10
God continues to work in me and through me, changing me internally to become more like Him. I would not have it any other way. God gives me hope, and now I am hopelessly devoted to Him.
Thank you for letting me share.
EUK
